“Sometimes there was a storm in her brain” – Sally Jean
The shoe– still –does not fit
and here I am — Here
just here, amoung other places
selling glass slippers for the cause
One size fits all
You still shout the Mantra
from the roof tops and me
I am doing the same
Everything is all right– all good–
You’re fine– You’re fine
If you don’t start screaming
You will never know the difference
And neither will I.
|Thirteen Lines from Songs I Love By Jen
1. “What does it mean to wake out of a dream and be wearing someone else’s shorts?”
2. “It’s not important to be defined. It’s only important to use your time well. Well, time something
nobody can buy, nobody can sell you and don’t let anyone tell you they have the advantage.”
3. “Lonely is a word that I have left like all of you. When I’m feeling lonely kiss myself- that’s what I do.”
4. “Got enough guilt to start my own religion.”
5. “With their nine inch nails and little facist panties tucked inside the heart of every nice girl.”
6. “Take my picture from the wall. No you don’t want to leave a trace. Less you think of what’ve you
done- the easier it gets to face.”
-Hans Kristian Hackenholt
7. She’s a real left winger cause she been down south and held peasants in her arms. She said
“I could tell you a story tell you a story that would make you cry…”
8. “If I ever write this letter- the truth it would reveal. Knowing you brought me pleasure- How I ‘ll
often treasure the moments we knew– the precious, the few.”
9. “Thanks for the trouble you took– from her eyes– I thought it was there for good, so I never
10. “Cause the piano has been drinking. The piano has been drinking. The piano has been drinking.
11. “And after a while he calms down and he looks at me like a prince, but you know I better bite the
bullet casue its just another one of his Jedi mind tricks.”
12. I learn my name. I write with a number 2 pencil. I work up to my potential. I earn my meat.
13. “And I am sorry, but I am not a maiden fair. Isn’t there a kitten- stuck up tree somewhere?”
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I used to want my very own castle with a ten year warranty— and a multi-colored picket fence… so that I could worry about things that did not matter instead of all the stuff that did.
Odd– None of it mattered. Not enough to worry about. In some cases perhaps too much to worry.
“Gross reality is intrusive enough without our help;
there is no need to ruin poetry simply to emphasize it.”
Boating for Beginners -Jeanette Winterson-
“Might makes right- Yeah might makes right. They say that god is on their side— I don’t believe them.” -Camper Van Beethoven-
1. Getting up this morning and knowing that the only thing I need to accomplish is….
wait there is nothing that I need to accomplish today:)
3. Puppies laying in the sun
4. Reading books with wild abandom
5. Knitting with friends who meet on a weekday at 1p.m.
6. Being at home with Jon (my wonderful and amazing husband)
7. Sleeping and waking when I feel like it- not when I should
8. Sunshine and warm weather
9. Knowing that it is always 5 o’clock somewhere
10. The absence of a schedule
11. Getting to play in Savannah for the day
13. It’s spring! Need I say more?
It was about two years ago now that I first started reading blogs. I was feeling very lost at the time and I wasn’t sure where to turn. Having entered my late twenties, I was trying to figure out what to do- but I was very removed from many of my friends that had helped me with the process in the past. Some were out of my reach because of distance and others were out of reach because they had changed in ways I did not understand and others still were out of reach because they had proven to be no true friend to me. I had my husband, Jon, who was and still is my closest friend, but I was in desperate need for some girl power. All of my known sources seemed out of reach and frankly I lacked the energy and ability to search out new sources of strength… and that was when I turned to Google… Help, I said to Google- Is there anyone else out there?
And Google said yes, yes there is. The first blog that I encountered was that of the amazing Jen Gray. In her entries I got some of that girl power that I had been in desperate need of. I also got some really beautiful photographs, helpful and supportive words, and this idea that I was not alone.
It was from her website that I began to explore this massive world of blogs where people talk, share ideas and art, voice troubles, and offer support. And this was just what I needed. I began to find other blogs that I also enjoyed reading and realized more and more that I was not alone at all.
I found an amazing woman, Heather B. Armstrong, who managed to be a writer, mother, wife, photographer and so much more… who had the courage to write what was on her mind.
This is where it began for me- This transition, this learning experience- around two years ago. And I have had my ups and my downs, but I began a journey of blooming. And it has been amazing.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ” anais nin
Since that time I have become more comfortable in my own skin. I have become the woman that I want to call home. I have found my voice and started writing again (something that I had always done, but somehow stopped doing- feeling I had nothing important enough to say). I have started drawing and painting again. I have started to establish new connections with people and recover and nurture older connections. This process has been so amazing and scary and wonderful and damn hard, but I am here and I am thankful for all of it. Realizing now more than ever that all of this life is a process… and the only thing for me to do is to celebrate and cherish each breath.
And with that I wanted to thank you- All of you that helped me throughout this process and continue to help me today by sharing your life and words and art and ups and downs. Thank you so much- I cannot begin to repay you- or to explain how grateful I am that you are willing to share all of those moments with the world- So that when it gets very dark and one seems to be lost and alone that there are people like you saying what they have to say and lighting a candle and saying here I am.
Thank you so very much.
“I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile I keep dancing.” Hillel