Home is… ?

beginning

I have been pondering the meaning of home lately. What does it mean to be at home or go home? Where is home when I have family in Raleigh, North Carolina- Beaufort, South Carolina- Leesburg, Georgia- Berlin, Germany- Hamburg, Germany- and Bekum, Germany— I also have adopted family in Boone, North Carolina- North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina- Brooklyn,New York (to name a few). I was born in North Myrtle Beach. I grew up all over North and South Carolina and I live in Essex, UK.
Where is home in all of this?

For a majority of my 20’s I have worked toward the idea of Becoming the Woman I Want to Call Home in this thought process it is me that is home and I suppose I travel or dream of traveling as a snail does with all of my belongings close to me, but belongings don’t make up home anymore than one local makes you at home.

I imagine a simplier time in the world when you belonged to one locale with family and friends all in one place, but this is a false version of reality. People have always wandered aroung looking for {fill in the blank… food, fufillment, mates, work, warmer or colder weather, something, anything}. It is simply easier or faster to stay in touch with many people now… so does that allow you the time to miss them… and what does that have to do with home? Much perhaps, but I am not sure at this point.

Home is where the heart is. Home is where you hang you hat. Home is your location. Home is where you were born…. where your children were born. Home is where most immediate family is…

It is something that is evolving in my head at the moment. I want to be at home… I know this, but I am not sure where that home is…

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The ever enchanting sand slipper

Glass Slippers for the Cause- 1998
I came to you neatly packaged…
wrapped — trapped all boxed up
Green Ribbon to Garnish all of my
un—well put together
Thoughts—–
Pumped full of happy endings
and a sparkle in my eye
Dreaming of the Educational Wonderland
I was about to enter
where learning would be the very glass
of my slipper that would guide me into the
Perfect Dream you sell so well—
you taught me the glass was only sand
put together in a cruel enough fashion
to cut my feet– liberated– I’d prefer to
go Barefoot — I’d prefer to go naked ——
all you offer me — Is the Emperor’s New Clothes
which look really appealing on paper But is revealed
to physically mean Nothing— The Emperor’s New Degree
and to accompany this beautiful ensemble
we have some lovely slippers But watch your step
They’re sharp in places.

I ripped myself open–only to watch myself fall out
onto the street My Morality my un–well put together thoughts
Falling onto the Pavement Slipping into
the Gutter– Where we all are — Or so says Oscar
But I lost sight of the stars—-
Deciphering you Brand of Understanding and Intellect–
It means nothing to me– But you’ll only look at
the paper it’s Printed on — Sending me out to teach
your lies– Selling more Glass Slippers for the Cause
One Size Fits– All– Cinderella and Her Sisters
would disagree with that— But don’t use logic here
It won’t fit– But that shoe will Just keep trying honey
and pay no attention to the man Behind
the Curtain
Everything is all right
and you’ll get that shoe to fit

Glass Slippers for the Cause- 2003
wrapped—trapped and all boxed up
for you – again
I get here only to realize
I—am—that’s it- me
I am selling fucking glass slippers
for the cause
They don’t fit you either—well
Damn honey try harder- it’s on my agenda today
and it happens to be a standard…
Whose standards am I pimping anyway?
My own seem to have been tossed out –
wrapped trapped
and boxed on their way out the door
I wanted it to be different
but we are just shoving people into different shoes
they are still made of glass
they still cut the feet
you are still better off barefoot
So I prepare to dismount my tan horse
for even I can’t walk in these shoes
and I stand on the side of the road
thumb in air
I am done with my emperor’s degree
I am done with sand slippers
I am done and crispy about the edges
I can’t sell shoes anymore
I can’t sell what I never
believed in to start with
I am done with your glass slippers
and I am done with your cause