…on Madame Bovary

I sat in the sun today and finished reading Madame Bovary– I don’t feel forever changed- the way that Doctor McClaughlin said I would be, but oh well, it was a good story. Is that a sort of blasphemy, for an English major- to call Madame Bovary a good story? Perhaps…
I get it… I just don’t particularly care- She was bored. She thought love and life should be more. So, she created turmoil… it became too much- she expired (after eating way too much arsenic). C’est le vie.

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Small Steps

Yesterday I was reminded that I am best served by taking small steps in the direction that I want to go. A yoga class at Kai Yoga and wandering around a small town call Parrot all served to make an lovely Saturday . I felt good and energized at the end of the day. I did not have to embark on some gigantic adventure to get this feeling. I did not have to change the landscape of my world. I only had to take some small steps in the direction that I wanted to go.

Because we can.

dervish

We, as in humans, make everything difficult- because we can. It is our right. But why do it?

Life is not difficult. We have limits. We have some things that we can control (namely our responses) and many things that we can’t (namely everything else). We spend a lot of time trying to fight the things we have no control over… at least i do. But then we spend very little time thinking we can control our responses. (“I just feel this way.”) Why is that?

Because we can. It is our right. That doesn’t make it right. So how do we change out of this struggle dance and into more comfortable clothes.

We just do. That is all. We just do. Because we can. It is our right.

Oct 23: I like studying literature…

western canon

I forgot that I truly enjoy the study of literature. It seems obvious, but for quite some time it has not been to me. As I finished my BA in English- I did not love the study… I wanted to finish; I wanted my piece of paper. Then when I went on to teach English Lit to adoring teenagers I remembered for a bit, but that was quickly subsumed by trying to figure out how to teach literature to teens. I got lost in all of this for quite some time.

Now, I find myself with a bit of a break and what I rediscovered is that I like this- I want to do this more. So I am reading from Harold Bloom’s book, The Western Canon, and enjoying it immensely.

20 October: Getting lost in the woods…

One decision, one step, one change in direction can change just about everything in one’s life. That is why I often have trouble with decisions- it boggles my mind to try and think out all of the possible outcomes this one decision could have. I get lost in all that thought very easily thinking about the should and the might and the did not. I am trying to learn to let go of that. It is possible, at times,  to turn in thousands of different directions. It is also possible to get lost by simply staring at all that is possible. This is not a lesson for one day, but I am trying, I think, to listen to my gut and to move forward and keep learning- I believe that, truly, that is all that anyone can do.

Food Diary
3 cups of coffee
2 tbs of half and half
1 sandwich
3 slices of turkey
2 slices of white bread
1 tbs mayo
1tsp mustard
1 serving of candy corn
unsweet tea
1 serving of doritos
2 hotdogs with
kraut
mayo
mustard
2 buns
french fries
ranch dressing

Weight: 160