I am taking Shimelle’s class, My Freedom and it started today and the first bit is meant to get us thinking about time and travel. Today I naturally thought of time.
Today is the tenth anniversary of my father’s death. It still seems surreal to me even as I write those words. Ten years… I mean how is that even possible? I am not quite sure. I was supposed to feel like an adult 10 years again when this happened and now I am 30 and in the thick of this adult thing and I still don’t quite feel it.
According to Shimelle we will be looking into our relationship with time this week in the class and for me that has always been a very tricky relationship.
I remember being young and feeling as if time poured by in a painfully slow way. It was never quite the time that I wanted it to be. I was always waiting for something else… for summer, for school to begin, for something or someone- always, it seemed, waiting.
It has not been that way for quite some time now. Time passes in a blur- I don’t know where it has gone or how I got here. I am savoring and I am enjoying- don’t get me wrong, but truly where did it go?
How has it been ten years since I picked up the phone with a “Beanstalk- how can I help you?” to hear my step mom tell me that she thought I should come home because he wasn’t doing well. To the drive where I pulled into the driveway as an ambulance prepared to leave- jumping into the car with my step mom and my father’s best friend so that we could follow the ambulance to the emergency room where I would see and talk to my father for the last time. Ten years. Impossible it seems. It is either so far away that it happened to another person in another lifetime- or it was a year ago… I am not sure, but ten- no, that doesn’t seem right… possible…..
Yeah, me and time an odd thing. So it seems that this exploration into time and my relationship with it is quite needed- already it has my brain reeling.