ahh… summer

oh sweet little place to write and dream- i have quite forgotten you, well not forgotten- just not done anything here in so very long… but now it is summer break and i feel like once again visiting and playing here and i am hoping that i make this space part of my day again. for what- i know not just yet, but it will come to me.

the air is warm and summer is all around me. as a teacher person this is the first proper summer break i have ever had (read proper as going back to the same school, not moving across oceans, not spending the entire time in classes, and generally getting to do whatever i fancy until the end of july– read wonderful).

i am quite pleased on the whole- though i feel like this will also be a good time to pay attention to a lot of the things that i want to pay attention to, but have managed, quite brilliantly to ignore. so it goes and we shall see what becomes of it.

This morning I awoke to the sounds of a bird symphony of sorts. When I looked onto the porch it appeared there were hundreds of birds coming to visit our home.

Can you love a place simply because of the birds?

Well, I can… Upon some detective work and with Jon’s help we decided that they must be robins. They stayed all day- flying about, flocking to one tree and then another, and singing- always singing. It was lovely.

Now, it is a quiet Sunday evening and all the birds are asleep or moving on- I will have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

The new year has started out quietly for me. It has been lovely though and I have taken great joy in focusing on the lovely moments in life that take you by surprise. Like a symphony of birds on a cloudly, sunday morning, or kittens that try to hatch avocado trees

The world is full of wonder.

not barefoot…

i have been feeling oh so very quiet here lately. i keep thinking of things that i might want to say, but somehow it doesn’t quite come to fruition. i have been rolling around in fall… trying to feel out where i am going and where i want to go- sometimes quite different things.

the leaves are starting to change color here in south georgia and it has even been feeling a bit like winter. still rambling and trying to put the truth down on paper- though as i get older the truth seems less clear… or maybe more clear, but not in need of being shouted from the rooftops. i am not sure which.

but it keeps going and for that i am grateful.

better…better

“if i kiss you where it’s sore- will you feel better, better, better- will you feel anything at all?” -regina spektor

I continue to be obsessed with this song by Ms. Regina Spektor. Tis lovely. I had much fun with this page. Thread and glue- a lovely enveloped sealed and filled with journaling. Lovely and having the fun.

i'm here… i've just been hiding a bit

it is far away from july 23rd, but still quite applicable. i am trying and reaching outward. i have been flexing and stretching some muscles that i forgot that i had. i am rembering that i like to howl at the moon- and i am taking the time to do so.

a bit on the hidy side? yes… but i am emerging and feeling better and braver than i have in quite some time.

"Time flies whether you're having fun or not."

my dad in his natural habitat

Time.
I am taking Shimelle’s class, My Freedom and it started today and the first bit is meant to get us thinking about time and travel. Today I naturally thought of time.
Today is the tenth anniversary of my father’s death. It still seems surreal to me even as I write those words. Ten years… I mean how is that even possible? I am not quite sure. I was supposed to feel like an adult 10 years again when this happened and now I am 30 and in the thick of this adult thing and I still don’t quite feel it.
According to Shimelle we will be looking into our relationship with time this week in the class and for me that has always been a very tricky relationship.
I remember being young and feeling as if time poured by in a painfully slow way. It was never quite the time that I wanted it to be. I was always waiting for something else… for summer, for school to begin, for something or someone- always, it seemed, waiting.
It has not been that way for quite some time now. Time passes in a blur- I don’t know where it has gone or how I got here. I am savoring and I am enjoying- don’t get me wrong, but truly where did it go?
How has it been ten years since I picked up the phone with a “Beanstalk- how can I help you?” to hear my step mom tell me that she thought I should come home because he wasn’t doing well. To the drive where I pulled into the driveway as an ambulance prepared to leave- jumping into the car with my step mom and my father’s best friend so that we could follow the ambulance to the emergency room where I would see and talk to my father for the last time. Ten years. Impossible it seems. It is either so far away that it happened to another person in another lifetime- or it was a year ago… I am not sure, but ten- no, that doesn’t seem right… possible…..
Yeah, me and time an odd thing. So it seems that this exploration into time and my relationship with it is quite needed- already it has my brain reeling.

Slooowwly…

i am feeling oh so very slow at the moment- as though there is something , some lesson that i ought to have gotten by now, but i missed it. it is there looking at me-saying come on i am right here! and i am all… wtf?

i feel off balance and out of it and it seems like i should be able to tell what it is i need to break out of this, but i am at a loss. is it because i am trying to figure it out? is that the problem? this notion that i can somehow find this out?

oh…. feeling very woe is i- it happens- suppose. what do you do when you feel all woe is i? any suggestions….

Tag you're it…

Jeff me with this meme… so here ya go….

What were you doing five years ago?

Getting ready to start my 3rd year of teaching and my 3rd year of marriage, buying a house and living by the beach.

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1. Caviar (can you consider this a snack?)
2. Gummi Bears (Haribo, please (same for me Jeff)
3.Cupcakes
4. Doritos
5. Dark Chocolate

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Set friends and family up so they don’t have to worry about anything.
2. Go on a serious shopping spree
3. Have a month worth of spa days
4. Randomly help people out
5. Help kids out with school or clothes or food or field trips… or whatever really….

What are five of your bad habits?
1. Interrupting people
2. Eating a bag full of candy instead of one candy
3. Trying to fix things that aren’t in need of fixing
4. Not finishing an old journal before purchasing and using a new journal
5. Worrying about everything and everyone…. all the time, but surprisingly not as much as I used to do… if you can believe that.

What are five places where you have lived?
1. North Myrtle Beach, SC
2. Boone, NC
3. Wilmington, NC
4. Albany, GA
5. Essex, UK

What are five jobs you’ve had?
1. Underwear saleswoman
2. Waitress
3, Car Sales
4. Teacher Lady
5. Coffee Lady

Five people I tag:
I shall simply say if you care to answer this meme on your own blog- let me know about it. I would love to read it.