The ever enchanting sand slipper

Glass Slippers for the Cause- 1998
I came to you neatly packaged…
wrapped — trapped all boxed up
Green Ribbon to Garnish all of my
un—well put together
Thoughts—–
Pumped full of happy endings
and a sparkle in my eye
Dreaming of the Educational Wonderland
I was about to enter
where learning would be the very glass
of my slipper that would guide me into the
Perfect Dream you sell so well—
you taught me the glass was only sand
put together in a cruel enough fashion
to cut my feet– liberated– I’d prefer to
go Barefoot — I’d prefer to go naked ——
all you offer me — Is the Emperor’s New Clothes
which look really appealing on paper But is revealed
to physically mean Nothing— The Emperor’s New Degree
and to accompany this beautiful ensemble
we have some lovely slippers But watch your step
They’re sharp in places.

I ripped myself open–only to watch myself fall out
onto the street My Morality my un–well put together thoughts
Falling onto the Pavement Slipping into
the Gutter– Where we all are — Or so says Oscar
But I lost sight of the stars—-
Deciphering you Brand of Understanding and Intellect–
It means nothing to me– But you’ll only look at
the paper it’s Printed on — Sending me out to teach
your lies– Selling more Glass Slippers for the Cause
One Size Fits– All– Cinderella and Her Sisters
would disagree with that— But don’t use logic here
It won’t fit– But that shoe will Just keep trying honey
and pay no attention to the man Behind
the Curtain
Everything is all right
and you’ll get that shoe to fit

Glass Slippers for the Cause- 2003
wrapped—trapped and all boxed up
for you – again
I get here only to realize
I—am—that’s it- me
I am selling fucking glass slippers
for the cause
They don’t fit you either—well
Damn honey try harder- it’s on my agenda today
and it happens to be a standard…
Whose standards am I pimping anyway?
My own seem to have been tossed out –
wrapped trapped
and boxed on their way out the door
I wanted it to be different
but we are just shoving people into different shoes
they are still made of glass
they still cut the feet
you are still better off barefoot
So I prepare to dismount my tan horse
for even I can’t walk in these shoes
and I stand on the side of the road
thumb in air
I am done with my emperor’s degree
I am done with sand slippers
I am done and crispy about the edges
I can’t sell shoes anymore
I can’t sell what I never
believed in to start with
I am done with your glass slippers
and I am done with your cause

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Selling Slippers for the Cause

The shoe– still –does not fit
and here I am — Here
just here, amoung other places
selling glass slippers for the cause

One size fits all
Amazingly enough
You still shout the Mantra
from the roof tops and me
I am doing the same

Everything is all right– all good–
You’re fine– You’re fine
If you don’t start screaming
You will never know the difference

And neither will I.

-2002

Early thoughts on Sand Slippers III

White Horse Theory Part IV- 1997

Hello you! Yes, you. I was standing here in DISTRESS and well, being a chick and all I was wondering, questioning, could you put on some armor and come down from your tower for a moment and humor me?

I really don’t ask much. Some simple dragon slaying. Tiny, harmless, mind dragons really and well normally I would tell you to let me handle it, but if you could just once maybe twice save me from myself. I don’t care if the slipper of sand fits; I will walk in it, or you don’t have to bring that even. Just some armor, some safety. Please, I don’t care if, helmets do get in the way I just need some of your grace to ride on for a moment… and… Is that all I want? SAFETY… stop you wimp— shine on armor. Well, I have my own. Assembly required. And it has come to this. Me trying to find some hair to throw down– anything and say hello. Please, I know you have armor. Just use it. Come down from your tower and help me with mine. You must want to the script called for it.

You see… I started out standing on this pedestal. I built for myself. It was abhoridly beautiful and as I went I started climbing down to the true place of my beginning. Now, on hands and knees, weak in my own way, begging– you can’t see me, but this is where we both began.

So maybe it is not the armor I want. Helmets do get in the way. The safety of understanding… coaxing you (trying) out of your tower; leaning to far out of my element, out of my dome like, realistically fake bubble world.

But I don’t care at this point reason [I cling to] has never done more than become one of my largest dragons and no knight can defeat it; for most of the time I find myself fighting against you for it [for me i used to think]. Now it has become a voracious monster of my own making.

I turn to the door to run… I can’t so now I ask for help; listening to my cat in shining armor cry in her (my) defense. I promise to fight on my own side this time. If you could trust that more than I do the belief would take hold. I am not asking anymore. I am just sitting in the rain. The water washes drips down from hair– to eyelashes– then cheeks. I could do this, I am not weak, only tired of fighting myself and anyone who dares to knock on the castle doors.

Pound! I am no Princess! I am no Princess… I am simply a me with pieces of everything barging in at every breath. Only pieces, pieces and I want wholes, alls, everything, oceans endless. Not forever, not eternity. The Infinite is not to be gift wrapped and waiting for me at my door. For we are everything and everything else is us. Endless that is the infinity; we are the pieces.

I am no Princess! That is my reply, I am no Princess.

Early thoughts on Sand Slippers II

White Horse Theory Part II- 1997

And I don’t need your tan horse to save my soul! My weak, little, fainting damsel of a me. And I don’t care what color you are wonder boy. Personally, I like green. I have my own castle of sorts and I was sleeping just fine until I was interrupted. I don’t want your horse, damn it. I’ve got two feet– they work.

And if you are going my way… we could walk together. You could visit, but I don’t need the fancy entourage of princely gifts o’ crap. It’s a lovely day for a walk in the rain. You need nothing but a you to save your soul. I will take care of mine. If you care… I seem to have lost my slipper. So we could go for a walk –barefoot- in the rain.

Early Thoughts on Sand Slippers

The following writings are my first thoughts on sand slippers and prince charming… and all the things that come along with those ideas.

The White Horse Theory

-A pondering in three parts-

White Horse Theory Part I- 1997

So here I am. Just here among other places, waiting for that guy, on the white horse to liberate me from women’s lib– by being chivalrous. Or was that sexually harassing? “Well, it depends if he comes bearing gifts,” says the girl on the left.

Brain pumped full of happy endings. And why always a Prince? Ah… the money, jewels, white horses… gifts; one must be rich for happy endings. NO!? Well, liberate me further. Come to me on foot bearing your heart. That could be chivalrous and non-harassing. Well, it depends on how you look at me. And then the weather… let’s make it depend on the weather.

Could it be simply a weather issue? Oh dear… complications. And where are the opportunities? Asleep in the forest, behind castle walls, lost in cinders. And what about that damn horse? What if it is tan? What if the shoe does not fit? Obliterate me further. Liberate me further. Syndicated, copy-written happy endings– blue light specials on sand slippers and me sitting here among other places. I will find my happy endings but not here.

Learning…

What happens when prince charming rides up on his horse, dismounts, and kneels before you shoe in hand, and the glass slipper does not fit. You try for some time because you think that surely it will work- surely there is a way. And perhaps on some occassions you even manage to pry the shoe on- and you walk around in it for a while. You feel the discomfort and the pain and the wrongness of it all, but it is supposed to work out…. right?

I have used the metaphor of sand slippers for quite some time now, noticing how prince charming can morph into all sorts of things that society claims to be good and true and right. And I have realized that even though the masses clamor on about the inherent goodness of something that sometimes the shoe simply doesn’t fit and you must choose for yourself or simply go barefoot.

I am learning. Learning not to put shoes on that cut my feet, learning when to go barefoot, and when to say yes (even though I have been cut before). I am learning….. and that is my only goal……